Over twee weken beginnen Atta en Scarlet met repeteren en zullen ze toewerken naar een toonmoment van hun onderzoek. Er is nog flink aan de tekst geschaafd en hoewel hij nog niet af is, zullen ze de komende repetities de vloer op gaan, omdat ze geloven dat er naast de tekst ook veel ruimte is voor bewegings- en beeldmateriaal.
De gesprekken die ze hebben over de tekst gaan vooral over het de-romantiseren. Van Jeruzalem, de vaderfiguur, een geloof, niet geloven enzovoort. En daarnaast het kritisch durven bevragen van elkaars gedachten. Ook zoeken ze naar een balans tussen persoonlijk materiaal, het spreken over waar ze vandaan komen en waar ze naartoe willen én materiaal waarmee ze als spelers aan de slag kunnen, waarin ze gelijk zijn.
Hier een nieuwe versie van de eerste scène met meer ruimte voor vragen:
Why do I find it more and more difficult these days to discover something beautiful?
What’s your name?
Is your mother still alive?
Where exactly were you born?
Which direction did your room face?
Did the sun shine in during the morning or afternoon?
What did you see when you looked out of the window? (*1)
What do you want to learn?
What do you want to proof?
Do you want to be alone?
Do you want to disappear?
Do you want to tell me something?
Should they know something?
What should they know?
Should I tell them?
Do you like to take charge?
When do you want to be led?
Is your father still alive?
Do you like being a woman?
Can you smile?
What book are you reading at the moment?
What do you want to have for dinner?
Did you do the laundry?
What do you miss?
Did you notice something particular when you were on the street today?
Who is your enemy?
Do you miss home?
Are you a rebel?
Who chased you away from home?
Are you afraid of me?
Why are we onstage?
What did you think when you saw me for the first time?
Why do we want the partners we want?
How are we able to tell ourselves two truths simultaneously?
What happens after you die?
Do you think I am allowed to say that I sometimes think of dying?
Why are we acting out our fantasies in secret?
Why are we saving up money for a home of our own?
Can I forget?
Is it good to remember by one picture?
Is it good to never leave my children out of sight?
Is it good to feel pain?
Is it good that people can live through so much pain?
Is it good to think?
What are you?
Who are you?
I feel guilty when I stay in bed 15 minutes longer
I feel guilty when I ignore my children
I feel guilty when we don’t have any fresh bread
I feel guilty when I forgot to buy bananas
I feel guilty when my child is full of mosquito bites
I feel guilty when my children are watching TV for more than 3 hours
I feel guilty when I watch tv more than 3 hours
I feel guilty when I do nothing
I feel guilty that I can never do nothing
I feel guilty when I think of the people in Jerusalem
I feel guilty that I’m not as informed as you about the people in Jerusalem
Because I should feel as guilty as you
I feel guilty when you feel guilty
I feel guilty when we fight in front of our children
I feel guilty when I don’t live up to what I really feel and desire
I feel guilty that I always follow my dreams and desires
I feel selfish
I feel guilty when I eat a piece of chocolate cake for breakfast
I feel guilty when I finish two bags of chips in one movie
I feel guilty when I fall asleep during a movie
I feel guilty when my child gave me a bracelet, because he thought that I quit smoking
I feel guilty when I’m sad
I feel guilty when I forget names of people that I know very well
I feel guilty when I’m not enjoying myself at Christmas dinner
I feel guilty when I forget birthdays
Of my wife, my mother, my father and my children
I feel guilty when I’m out of money at the end of the month
Me too, because of stupid things that I bought
I feel guilty because I have to ask my husband for money sometimes
Not to him, but to all the women in the world who are fighting for equality I feel guilty
I feel guilty when I didn’t call my mother for a week
I feel guilty because my mother and I never hug
I feel guilty, because I cannot just act like a normal daughter
I feel guilty when I ask people questions, they don't want to answer
I feel guilty when I don’t answer
I feel guilty when I hurt somebody
I feel guilty I don’t feel guilty when I hurt somebody
I feel guilty when I do something in the morning before my coffee
Because I am always angry
I need my coffee first
And always I say that I will never answer or call people before my morning coffee, but most of the time I do
And then I feel fucking guilty
So, I should just wake up in silence, take my coffee and then start my day
Otherwise, I am just a grumpy stupid angry guy
I feel guilty when I, we, are spilling food
I feel guilty that I sometimes buy from IKEA
I feel guilty that I judge people eating the meatballs from IKEA
You shouldn’t feel guilty
I feel guilty when I’m leaving my children to go on tour
And I feel guilty when I don’t leave my children to go on tour
I feel guilty when I put my children in Poperingen
And I feel guilty when I don’t put my children in Poperingen
I feel guilty when I am afraid to jump into a certain situation and that I then just make up excuses that don’t have any point just to stop us from jumping
I feel guilty when I speak without listening
I feel guilty when I speak without speaking
I feel guilty when I live inside my head
I feel guilty that I have the time to feel guilty
That is your privilege
I feel guilty that I’m telling you you’re privileged while actually I have the time to feel guilty too
Scene 7 (--> op een andere plaats?)
I hope to forget things that I will never forget
Every morning, when I wake up, something reminds me of who I am and where I come from
I don't like it
Because I am not who I am anymore
Or I am
I want to forget a lot of things
But I can’t
No one wants to forget.
More accurately, no one wants to be forgotten.
Or, more peacefully, people bring children into the world to carry their name, or to bear for them the weight of the name and its glory. (*2)
I think you will never forget your home
Or where you were playing when you were a child
The friends that I have now
I will forget
But I will never forget my friends from my childhood
I think of them every day, even though I never see them
I don't even have them on Facebook
We never talk
I will never forget what we were playing
I will never forget what we were talking about
I will never forget how we were fighting
I will never forget how we were calling each other
We knew one and other
We knew what the other one loved
What the other one feared
What the other one’s favorite ice cream was
We knew how the other one played soccer
We knew what the other one was thinking
We knew everything
Everyone can forget
Yes, I can forget now
I can forget numbers and dates
The birthday of my wife
My children’s birthday
I forget names
I forget a lot now
I forget a lot the now
I will never forget the books that I read when I was a child
But the books that I’m reading now, as soon as I close them, I forget
I should remember
I should remember
I should remember
I should remember
What the connection is
What is the internet connection?
What is connection?
We need to remember connection
Atta, if you don’t let your children grow up with religion, what will happen then?
All your traditions, all your rituals.
Won’t they just disappear?
Is that good?
Is this where I’m from?
Who was I when I was here last?
If this isn’t home
Then where has home gone?
Who was I then?
I should be leaving (*3)
We hear ‘Tik Tik Ya Em Slaiman’ from Fairouz.
1. Voyage tot the Sonorous Land or The Art of Asking & The Hour We Knew Nothing of Each Other, Peter Handke, vert. Gitta Honegger, 1996
2. Mahmoud Darwish, Memory for forgetfulness: August, Beirut, 1982
3. Kae Tempest, Hold your own